How to last longer in bed – Tips, Tricks and Treatments for Premature Ejaculation
Hey guys, if you’re not lasting as long as you would like in bed, it could be only be due to 2 reasons:
1. You cannot get hard. Or you can get hard but it gets soft very quickly. Maybe even before you can penetrate your partner. Or you can get hard but its not as hard as you would like it to be. This is called Erectile Dysfunction.
2. You have absolutely no problems getting hard but you ejaculate much sooner than you would like to. This is called Premature Ejaculation.
Of course, these 2 issues are not mutually exclusive. You could be suffering from both at the same time. Also, one problem can lead to the other.
It is not surprising that this can lead to a lot of distress not only for you but also for your partner.
In this article, we are going to talk about certain things you can do to help with Premature Ejaculation. We will discuss Erectile Dysfunction in a separate article.
Do you have Premature Ejaculation?
Previously everyone thought it was all about duration. Doctors used to say if you could not last more than 1 minute you had Premature Ejaculation.
These days, we know that that is no longer true. A man is said to suffer from Premature Ejaculation if he feels that he has no control over when he ejaculates and it causes distress to him and/or his partner.
This can be a very serious matter. There are men who ejaculate so easily that when a person bumps them on a crowded subway train, they ejaculate. This can lead to a lot of misunderstanding even involving the police.
Of course not everyone has it so bad. But if you feel that you have no control over when you ejaculate and it’s causing you or your partner some distress, you have Premature Ejaculation and really should do something about it.
Premature Ejaculation affects your partners too.
Premature Ejaculation Treatment without Pills
There are a few things you can try. Not all of them have good scientific evidence and not all methods work for everyone. But they are mostly free and harmless so it is really no harm giving them a try.
1. Positions and Techniques
So called ‘passive positions’ can help delay ejaculation. The most common position talked about is ‘woman-on-top’. There are actually studies to show that this delays ejaculation.
For active positions, you can try entering your partner while standing up and she is lying on her back. Make sure your penis is angled slightly downwards. This way, the top of your penis is rubbing against her pubic bone. This can be uncomfortable but it is the discomfort that helps delay ejaculation.
Also, try taking shorter thrusts. This minimizes the surface area of the penile shaft that is stimulated. You may think this makes it less enjoyable for your partner but you will be mistaken. Women have most nerve endings on their labia majora and minora so they can still get good sensations even with short thrusts. For MSM practicing anal sex, usually it is the stimulation of the prostate that is enjoyable. The Prostate gland is only 2 inches or less deep from the anal verge. So shorter thrusts can also stimulate the Prostate gland.
Of course there is the very well known ‘Start-Stop’ Technique. This is very self explanatory. When you are about to ejaculate, stop and do something else that does not involve penile stimulation. Once you are back in control, start again. Repeat as necessary.
Duh. Condoms reduce the stimulation of the penis. Use thick condoms, the thicker the better. Good options are Okamoto Goku Atsu and Durex Extra Srength.
Make sure you put on the condom early. If you have been stimulated excessively already, even putting on the condom can cause you to ejaculate.
Numbing creams also work better with condoms. Basically you apply the cream first then put on the condom. On the one hand, the cream is absorbed quicker and better leading to better effects. On the other hand, the cream does not go onto your partner and numb him/her too.
3. Squeezes and Presses
The most famous squeeze is obviously the Masters and Johnson Squeeze Technique. This can only be done properly by your partner. It is best to get a sex therapist to show you how. As a quick intro, your partner places his/her thumb on your penis frenulum and the index finger on the other side and squeeze. If done correctly, you should lose 10% to 30% of your erection. Which also means you will not ejaculate.
Another common technique is to press hard on the perineum. Don’t know where the perineum is? It is the area between the base of your scrotum and your anus. Under this area is your prostate gland.
This is the most obvious I guess. You basically think of something else during intercourse. In medical school my lecturer used to say ‘Think of Margaret Tatcher naked on a cold day” (No offense to Dame Margaret Tatcher). Other things I have heard: Think of baseball. Think of Jeopardy.
5. Pelvic Floor Excercises
This is rather new. An Italian study found that men who did regular Pelvic Floor Exercises for 12 weeks improved from 32 seconds to 2 minutes and 26 seconds!
How do Men perform Pelvic Floor Exercises?
Sit upright, relaxed with your knees slightly apart. Tighten your anus like you are preventing a fart. You should feel your muscles tighten and a ‘dipping’ sensation at the base of your scrotum. You can also try to stop and restart the urine flow when passing urine. You should feel the same muscles tighten.
Now that you know which Muscles to Exercise, you can start the training.
Sit upright, relaxed with your knees slightly apart. Now imagine pulling your anus and urethra into your body and SQUEEZE! You should feel the same muscles you have identified earlier working. Hold for 10 seconds then release. Rest for 10 seconds then squeeze again for 10 seconds. Work up to 12 sets if you can. Remember it is Quality not Quantity that counts. In other words, 3 hard squeezes is better than 6 half-hearted squeezes.
To end off, do 5 to 10 short and strong contractions. These are your sprints!
Set aside 10 minutes a day for these exercises. You should see results after 3 months of daily exercises.
Most men have a mental barrier to taking medicines to treat Premature Ejaculation. This really should not be the case. The medicines available these days are effective and safe. And honestly, if you could pop a pill to make you feel better about yourself and improve the relationship between you and your partner that is not such a bad thing right?
1. Creams and Gels
Topical anesthetic creams and gels numb the penis and can delay ejaculation. The problem is they can be messy, breaks the spontaneity of the moment and numb your partner to an extent that sex is no longer enjoyable. A way to get over some of these issues is to get your partner to apply the cream for you then cover it with a condom.
There is currently only 1 medicine that is officially used to treat Premature Ejaculation. However, doctors also use other medicines like medicine to treat Erectile Dysfunction usually in conjunction with tablets to treat Premature Ejaculation. Recent studies have shown that taking both these medicines together is effective and safe in treating Premature Ejaculation even if you do not have Erectile Dysfunction.
Certain pain and anti-depressant medicines have also been used to treat Premature Ejaculation.
Most tablets are taken only when necessary. Some treatments require you to take tablets everyday for it to be effective even if you do not intend to have intercourse.
Control in bed!
Need more advice?
To find out more about Penile Rash or other Men’s Health issues , please visit your doctor or visit Men’s Health Clinic.
Dr. Tan and Partners @Novena (Men’s Health Clinic)
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#08-31, Novena Medical Centre
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About Dr. Tan
Dr. Tan graduated from the National University of Singapore in 2001. His residency was in the two largest public hospitals in Singapore; Tan Tock Seng Hospital and Singapore General Hospital.